I didn't shave. On purpose
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
