Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
