My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
