I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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