I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
