She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
