I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
