I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
