So drunk its hurt
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
