now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
