like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
