HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
