I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
