I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
