If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
