Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
