He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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