he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And then he peed in my hair
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