well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
