He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
