i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
