Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
