this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
