Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Vodka?
Forever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
