omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
