am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
