I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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