What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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