I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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