I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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