I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
