It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
