I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
