I feel great
I just peed on a car
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
