Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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