1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
