some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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