I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i was born a porn star she said
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize