Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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