He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
