you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
