Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
