I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize