i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
