Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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