He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
