I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
