Please, let me fuck your mom
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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