Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
