i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
