when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
