Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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