If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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