And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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