I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
