Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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