sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
