dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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