Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
