Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
