You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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