After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
