$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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