Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Drunk is not a location!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
