Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
