i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
