It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
