last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
